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Always On My Phone

Keeping phones out of sacred spaces starts with one simple idea: you should decide which places and moments deserve your full attention.

The Facts Behind the Habit

It turns out I’m not alone. My latest survey of more than 1,000 Americans, “Stuck in the Screen,” found that 92% of people reach for their phones within 15 minutes of waking up. Only 5% keep their phones out of the bedroom overnight.

These numbers show how deeply smartphones have become part of our daily routines.

The Expectation of 24/7 Availability

One survey respondent explained that smartphones create an expectation of 24/7 availability. We constantly feel as if we need to stay “on” because our phones keep us connected at all times.

When Work Bleeds Into Everything Else

The data also reveals an important pattern: people who struggle to disconnect from work often struggle to disconnect from their social lives as well.

Smartphones have blurred the boundary between work and home. We can answer a work message while having dinner, respond to a friend during a meeting, or check an email while spending time with family.

Texting as an Obligation

One respondent described texting as feeling like “friend homework.”

Keeping in touch with friends should feel enjoyable, but constant messaging can sometimes make communication feel like another task on our to-do list.

How We Got Here

Before we learn how to disconnect, we need to understand how we arrived here.

The core Silicon Valley mindset values fast growth, constant change, and rapid communication. While those values can create benefits, they can also overlook technology’s negative externalities.

When we prioritize speed above everything else, we can easily move toward hypercommunication.

What Is Hypercommunication?

Hypercommunication happens when technology creates excessive inbound and outbound communication.

Sometimes hypercommunication feels entertaining. Think about a fast-moving group chat where everyone responds at once and makes each other laugh.

But that constant flow of communication can quickly become overwhelming.

The Notification Overload

Many of us have experienced this moment: we leave a meeting or class, look at our phones, and find dozens of notifications waiting for us.

A 2024 report from Microsoft and LinkedIn highlighted this pattern. The report found that people receive four emails for every one they send.

Instead of creating more connection, constant communication can create more pressure.

The 47-Second Attention Span

A decade of research by Gloria Mark shows how frequently technology interrupts our attention. On average, we focus on one screen for only about 47 seconds before shifting our attention.

After an interruption, we can need more than 23 minutes to fully refocus.

Researchers often describe one part of this process as attention residue. When we move from one task to another, part of our attention can remain stuck on the previous task.

The distraction stays with us even after we move on.

The Quick-Fix Problem

When we look for solutions, we often reach for quick fixes.

We create the problem and then immediately try to solve it with another product or program: a digital detox, a week without a smartphone, or another short-term challenge.

But these solutions do not always address the deeper reasons people stay connected.

Work and Social Pressures

People do not necessarily stay connected because they want to.

Work pressures, social expectations, relationships, responsibilities, and everyday routines can all make it difficult to disconnect.

So what can we actually do?

Here are three ways to stop feeling stuck in the screen.

Sociotechnical Solutions

These solutions take a sociotechnical approach.

People do not live outside technology. At the same time, technology does not exist without people. Our habits, relationships, workplaces, and environments all shape the way we use technology.

So when you consider these strategies, think about how you can adapt them to your own everyday life and responsibilities.

1. Recognize When Your Smartphone Becomes a Third Person

The first strategy involves noticing when your smartphone becomes a third person in your relationships.

One study participant explained that a smartphone can feel like another presence in a relationship, whether you are spending time with a friend, colleague, or partner.

The phone may sit silently on the table, but it can still compete for your attention.

Just Pause

Most of us have experienced this situation.

You talk to someone, feel excited to share something with them, and suddenly notice that they are looking at their phone.

Instead of competing with the phone, try something simple:

Pause.

Give the other person space to notice what is happening. This small action can bring attention back to the conversation.

2. Keep Phones Out of Sacred Spaces

The Morning My Phone Died

One morning, I could not find my phone charger while my husband slept.

The only thing within reach was Guy Debord’s Society of the Spectacle, a book I had been reading.

I had carried that book around with me for three months because I wanted to rebuild my reading habit. I believed the pandemic had significantly weakened my ability to focus.

That morning, something unexpected happened.

Rekindling the Reading Habit

I started reading because I had nothing else competing for my attention.

I had spent three months reading the first half of the book.

That morning, I finished the remaining half in only a few hours.

Without my smartphone beside me, I experienced a sense of mental clarity and ease. I could focus on one thing without constantly checking something else.

Three and a Half Years Later

Since September 5, 2022, I have started every morning by reading before I use my smartphone or computer.

Over time, I reduced my screen time by 65%, and I noticed significant improvements in my ability to focus.

Sleep Inertia

Sleep inertia describes the transition between sleep and wakefulness, especially during the first 15 to 30 minutes after waking.

During this period, our brains remain particularly sensitive to the information and stimulation we introduce.

That makes the first moments of the morning especially important.

Instead of immediately reaching for your phone, try giving yourself time to wake up slowly.

The Brain’s Vulnerable Window

When you wake up and immediately scroll through your phone, you expose your brain to a rapid stream of information before you have fully entered your day.

Think of it as starting your morning with an overwhelming burst of stimulation.

You can choose a different approach.

Power on slowly.

Spaces That Are No Longer Sacred

Over the last decade, my research has shown me how smartphones have changed the spaces around us.

The bedroom once represented a space for intimacy and relaxation.

The dinner table once encouraged conversation.

Parks encouraged us to experience our surroundings.

Movie theaters asked us to focus on one shared experience.

Even public transportation once gave us opportunities to observe the world around us.

Today, smartphones have entered nearly all of these spaces.

We can choose to reclaim some of them.

Using Your Smartphone as an Alarm

You might think, “But I need my phone to wake me up.”

If you need it, use it as an alarm.

But if your phone makes you immediately check messages, social media, or notifications, you can create a little distance between yourself and the device.

Try a Used Alarm Clock

If you struggle to keep your phone away from your bed, consider buying a simple alarm clock.

It does not need to be expensive or sophisticated.

Sometimes a small physical change can make a big difference to a daily habit.

3. Create Space to Drift

The third strategy involves losing track of time through a practice known as the dérive.

The French word dérive roughly translates to “drifting.”

Poetry in the Streets

I first discovered the Situationists through a lyric from The 1975:

“The poetry is in the streets.”

The Situationists looked for that poetry through the practice of the dérive.

Let Your Surroundings Lead You

When we take a normal walk, we usually have a destination.

We know where we want to go and how we want to get there.

A dérive works differently.

Instead of letting a destination control your movement, you allow your surroundings, curiosity, and spontaneous moments to guide you.

notice a street you have never explored.

You see a small café.

hear music coming from somewhere nearby.

You follow your curiosity.

You let the environment shape your experience.

Drift During Short Breaks

You do not need to take an entire day off to practice this.

You can create small moments of drifting throughout your day.

Instead of automatically reaching for your phone during a free moment, give yourself permission to do nothing.

Stop Checking Your Phone During Every Free Moment

In my recent study, 58% of people said that they check their phones first when they have a free moment.

That habit leaves almost no room for boredom.

But boredom can give your mind space to wander, imagine, and create.

Allow Room for Boredom

The next time you have a few free minutes, resist the urge to fill them immediately.

Look around.

Observe your surroundings.

Let your thoughts wander.

You might be surprised by what your mind does when you stop giving it constant stimulation.

Use Hobbies as a Way to Drift

You can also create this feeling through hobbies.

For me, film photography became one way to drift.

Photography encouraged me to slow down, notice my surroundings, and pay attention to moments that I might otherwise overlook.

Your hobby could be anything: drawing, reading, gardening, cooking, writing, walking, or playing music.

The goal is not productivity.

The goal is presence.

Meet a Friend Without Over-Scheduling

You can also practice drifting with other people.

Meet a friend without planning every minute of your day.

Leave some space between activities.

Let the conversation continue naturally.

Let your plans change.

You do not always need to know what comes next.

Explore Beyond Your Neighborhood

Another way to practice the dérive involves exploring unfamiliar parts of your city.

Start from a fixed point and allow yourself to wander.

Take a different route.

Visit an unfamiliar street.

Follow your curiosity.

You do not need to travel far to experience something new.

Walk Without Headphones

You do not have to give up headphones completely.

Instead, try walking without them for the first 15 minutes of your walk.

Listen to the sounds around you.

Notice the people, buildings, trees, traffic, weather, and small details that you normally ignore.

Let yourself experience the place directly.

Chunk Time for Deeper Thought

You can also create space for deeper thinking by chunking time on your calendar.

Set aside blocks of time for ideation, creativity, connection, and reflection.

During those blocks, protect your attention.

Give yourself permission to think without constantly switching between tasks and notifications.

The Three Strategies

To stop feeling stuck in the screen, remember these three strategies:

First: Notice when your smartphone becomes a third person in your relationships.

Second: Keep your phone out of the bedroom and, more broadly, out of the spaces you consider sacred.

Third: Create opportunities to drift, lose track of time, and experience the world outside your screen.

Designing Your Sociotechnical Future

These strategies do not require you to throw away your smartphone.

They require you to rethink your relationship with it.

Technology can help us connect, communicate, work, and build relationships. The goal is not to reject technology.

The goal is to decide when technology should have our attention and when it should step aside.

Our First Date Was a Dérive

My own life helped me understand this balance.

My partner and I did not connect only through a screen.

Our first date was a dérive.

We met for lunch and allowed ourselves to lose track of time

You visited a state park, explored several beaches, and eventually went to dinner.

We did not rush from one scheduled activity to another.

We simply let the day unfold.

And yes, when I finally got home, I felt excited when I saw that he had texted me.

The screen still mattered.

It just did not replace the experience.

Reconnecting With My Best Friend

My best friend, who is here in the audience, and I first met in pre-K.

As our lives took different paths, we eventually lost touch.

Later, we reconnected through a screen.

We became the maids of honor at each other’s weddings, and that connection might never have happened without technology.

That experience reminds me that screens do not simply create problems.

They can also help us create meaningful connections.

Technology can reconnect us with people we might otherwise lose.

The Poetry Is Not Only in the Streets

Sometimes we create beautiful connections through screens.

a text message brings two people back into each other’s lives.

Sometimes a video call helps us stay close to someone who lives far away.

Sometimes technology creates opportunities that would not exist otherwise.

But we should also remember that the poetry is not only in the streets.

It exists in the spaces between our plans.

exists in conversations that we do not schedule.

It exists in walks without destinations.

exists in moments when we allow ourselves to become bored.

It exists in dinners without phones.

It exists in mornings without notifications.

And it exists in the moments when we stop looking at the screen and start looking at the world around us.

We do not need to abandon technology.

We simply need to make room for life beyond it.